i think my tv is drunk
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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