I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
