Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Two words: blizzard sex
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
not ubering you a puppy
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
