you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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