I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I need to stop coming to work sober
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
