That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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