i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
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You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
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alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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