capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
