Can Purell be used as lube?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
