Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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