his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
