Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Houston, we have a squirter
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
