Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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