maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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