I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
