My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
