i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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