weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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