Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
