The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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