he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The air was thick with penises
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
