You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
