Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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