do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
