1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
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Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
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And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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