I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
