he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
