I want to stick my p in your. b.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I wish there were birth control emojis
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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