I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize