bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
