If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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