so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
