3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
