The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
