You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
the liver wants what the liver wants
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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