you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
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