based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
