You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
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i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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