I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
