i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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