alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
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He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
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I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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