Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
