Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
