Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
