I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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