I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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