I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You brought string cheese to the strip club
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
