i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
