Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
