I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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