i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
