i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
