last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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