How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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