Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
