you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
