I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
