is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
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yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I will be naked everywhere
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
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do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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