i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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