So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
is wine microwaveable?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
