id be glad to
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Someone shattered a urinal.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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