so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
